The Myth of Unconditional Love

The Myth of Unconditional Love

      Face it nobody loves unconditionally, think of anyone you love and answer the question, “Why do you love them?”  Whatever your answer is, it is based on conditions. There is nothing wrong with that. If someone really did love unconditionally they would be hurt and taken advantage of by others continually.  Not loving unconditionally is a defense mechanism, we are born with it.  Not even God, who in many religions is defined as a being who loves every person on the earth, loves unconditionally.  In most religions, including Christianity in its many forms, God has commandments which his followers keep in order to get blessings.  That means it is conditional. So, it is OK to love someone and hate their behavior. It is OK to love someone and disagree with them.  It is OK to love someone and get them into the drug/alcohol/gambling/etc. rehab they need and don’t want. It is OK to exercise “tough love”.  It is OK to require your children to keep rules which lead them to say “I hate you” because as they mature they will thank you for it but if you allow them to live without limits, they will hate you more for that and they will not be loved by others nearly as much as they will if you “force” them to be good citizens.

    So, the downside is people are not going to love you unconditionally. You will have to earn their affection by behavior which meets their conditions.  However, if you don’t expect anyone to love you unconditionally, you will improve your relationships at work, in your family, and reduce your chances of divorce by earning their respect and affection.